Satan's Meeting

[El Vez]

While I was covering for a coworker in the copy and print center, a customer who had been running a large number of copies finished up and came over to pay. I told him he had to go to one of the front registers because the C&P register was down. He smiled and handed me one of the fliers he'd printed and told me I needed it. This is what was printed on the flier.

SATAN'S MEETING

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bible and knowing the truth.

"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their Savior. Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.

"So let them go to their churches: let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.

"This is what I want you to do," said the devil. "Distract them from gaining hold of their savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"

"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted. "Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life, and innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.

"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empy lifestyles.

"Keep them from spending time with their children. As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work! Over-stimulate their minds so they cannot heat that still, small voice.

"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive... to keep the TV, VCR, CD's and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ.

"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products and false hopes.

"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so that their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissastisfied with their lives. Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night. Give them headaches too! If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere.

"That will fragment their families quickly!" "Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas Give them an Easter Bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death.

"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive...have them return from their recreation exhausted. Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead.

"Keep them busy, busy, busy!" "And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, leave with troubled consciences.

"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. It will work! It will work!"

It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments, causing Christians everywhere to have little time for their God or their families. Having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil successful at his scheme? You be the judge! Does "busy" mean:

B-eing
U-nder
S-atan's
Y-oke?

Pass this on, if you aren't too B-U-S-Y!

Thank God, I wasn't too busy to pass this on! Hope you enjoyed it. Now have a blessed Day!

END

That was a word-for-word transcription....including grammatical errors.

Where's Jello Biafra when you need him?!

[A rope leash]

See?! I told you capitalism was the Devil's Hand!

Die Frankenstein! Die!

Why do we need Jello?

[BlueChair]

Yikes.

[taz]

Sorry, didn't get a chance to read the whole thing, too busy at work and the music in my headphones was distracting me...anybody able to give a synopsis of this?

[double dutchess]

Thank you, El Vez--I needed a laugh today

[spooky girlfriend]

Wow, I'd better get moving. I really want a clean house for my husband when he comes home tonight from a hard day at work. I was thinking of rubbing his feet when he comes home, while helping the four kids with their homework and listening for the oven bell to tell me when dinner has finished cooking.

I will then serve dinner to my family, clear the table, and prepare to serve my husband as the evening continues by giving him time to read the paper and rest while I am making sure the four kids get to bed on time. Then, while he watches tv, I will rush to the master bedroom where I will select the perfect lingerie to stimulate his interest for the special time that we will share alone. I wouldn't want him to ever have a reason to look elsewhere!!!

[Gillibeanz]

Bloody hell - I dont get time for anything. Ive just finished a manic 8 hour stint in the office without even a coffee break and now I have to go do some housework and cook tea. I must be the Devils best pal!!

Just as well I guess - who wants to go to heaven anyway? You gotta be good ALL the time - what a strain, and theres no fun in that!

[spooky girlfriend]

Geeeez, I hope you guys knew that was a joke.

[laughingcrow]

Satan's got all the best bands anyway.

[Goody2Shoes]

I bet that guy's wife get a lot of Satan's headaches.

[Gillibeanz]

Reminds me of an old joke

Guy and his wife are getting ready for bed and the guy hands his wife 2 asprins and a glass of water. She says
"Whats that for?" He replies
"Your headache darling" She says
"But I havent got a headache!" He gives a broad grin and shouts
"GOTCHA!"

[bobster]

Well to give the anti-devil his due, there is actually a tiny little kernal of truth there -- which is that Americans are, as a group, quite overworked. (This is currently, however, not one my problems!) Only Japanese workers log more hours on the job than Americans.

Still, in my perfect world, folks would have less work so they could enjoy MORE unbiblical music and movies, more Vegas vacations and generally grow more questioning of the morons who think we should return to a world that never was. The past these sort of conservatives want to return to was, in most respects, far more cruel and far less "Christian" than the one we now live in.

[El Vez]

Bobster,

Do you know Mark Litton? He's a screenwriter acquaintance of mine who has worked on the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (and has some skin-peeling stories to tell about that one) and did a Roger Corman Presents on Showtime. He's had some of his 'A' scripts looked at by Ken Russell and Dennis Hopper among others. Really great guy.

[bobster]

Don't know Mark, though it sounds like he's doing pretty darn well. (It's hard to even figure out how to get rejected in this town!)

[LessThanZero]

I will rush to the master bedroom where I will select the perfect lingerie to stimulate his interest for the special time that we will share alone.

DON'T MAKE ME LOOK ELSEWHERE YOU SPOOKY DEVIL!

I think Satan gets way too much blame. why is the religion of guilt and blame so much more attractive then that of compassion?

Speak of the devil...where is he? Last I heard he went down to Georgia, or somewhere in the bible belt.


Hey bobster...try throwing a screenplay together where some evangelists summon the devil to a sceance to try to convert her...and then send me the check.

[bobster]

The devil is a woman? (How's that for a movie title!)

Actually, the idea of converting the fallen angel is sort of intriguing. Don't know if it's a movie idea, but it has it's possibilities....

[LessThanZero]

I'll take it!