Ask El Vez Revisited

bambooneedle · Post by **bambooneedle** » Tue May 04, 2004 10:59 am

Juliette Lewis is one of my favourite actresses... been watching Kalifornia and Too Young To Die (circa 1990) and she's poignant in both her sense of fun and pain. Those movies also surprise me in terms of Brad Pitt's good portrayals (of thug types)... much better than some subsequent wooden ones (7 Years In Tibet, for example).

Carry on folks.

wehitandrun · Post by **wehitandrun** » Tue May 04, 2004 11:02 am

El Vez, I'm not familliar with the complete 'ranks' of the board. How did you gain so much respect?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Tue May 04, 2004 11:07 am

wehitandrun wrote:El Vez, I'm not familliar with the complete 'ranks' of the board. How did you gain so much respect?

Who said anything about me being respected?! I missed that meeting.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Tue May 04, 2004 11:09 am

bambooneedle wrote:Juliette Lewis is one of my favourite actresses... been watching Kalifornia and Too Young To Die (circa 1990) and she's poignant in both her sense of fun and pain. Those movies also surprise me in terms of Brad Pitt's good portrayals (of thug types)... much better than some subsequent wooden ones (7 Years In Tibet, for example).

Carry on folks.

For my money, Brad Pitt gave the performance of his career in the underrated True Romance.

"Don't condenscend me, man...I'll fucking kill ya."

bambooneedle · Post by **bambooneedle** » Tue May 04, 2004 11:12 am

He's seems to better when he's not a 'good guy'.

mood swung · Post by **mood swung** » Tue May 04, 2004 11:16 am

and when he takes his shirt off.

Boy With A Problem · Post by **Boy With A Problem** » Tue May 04, 2004 3:40 pm

El Vez -

At what point in a relationship is it safe to be flatulant in front of your partner?

Hurry.

Post by **BlueChair** » Tue May 04, 2004 3:41 pm

hahahahahah

SoLikeCandy · Post by **SoLikeCandy** » Tue May 04, 2004 3:51 pm

El Vez,

What is the appropriate reply to a guy who yells, "nice ass" from across the street?

Boy With A Problem · Post by **Boy With A Problem** » Tue May 04, 2004 3:56 pm

Nice to see you back SLC

oily slick · Post by **oily slick** » Tue May 04, 2004 5:13 pm

and nice ass, by the way.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Tue May 04, 2004 10:48 pm

SoLikeCandy wrote:El Vez,

What is the appropriate reply to a guy who yells, "nice ass" from across the street?

"Thanks, shrimp dick!"

Good to see you back, SLC. This reminds me of MBA's thread from way back about chasing boys down a dark alleyway and threatening to punch them because one of them slapped her ass. Maybe the two of you should get together and commiserate.

Mr. Average · Post by **Mr. Average** » Wed May 05, 2004 5:04 am

Dear Mr El Vez:

So whats is so wrong with Mr. Average/Draperdan that he deserves to be singled out in your prestigious column in a negative way? Inguiring minds want to know?

By the way, have we met? Exchanged idea's via the forum? Help me here, oh great visier of the human condition...

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Wed May 05, 2004 9:45 am

Mr. Average,

I now find myself in the same position that Noiseradio was in yesterday which is trying to explain a joke. I'm assuming that you are referring to the "Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal: The Vanilla Fantasy" comment and not that I listed you as one of the boards venerable rabble rousers. The Vanilla Fantasy comment was merely a MacGuffin and a fairly affectionate one at that. The image in my mind was of that great picture of you in full karate regalia and for some reason that comment, a good natured toast from my undergrad days, seemed to fit. Nothing deragatory about it and certainly no ill will meant by it. The handle just sounded funnier on you then it did on ARL or Cope who have had a long history of running down their sexual misadventures on the board. You have always been a gentleman about such things as far as comments made on this site so the extreme miscasting of you with an ironic buffoning of a drunken frat toast was an ideal throwaway comedy bit. That's all.

I wouldn't say that we've exchanged ideas over the board but we have posted and counter-posted each other in a way that bears more of a resemblance to two guys at a bar who are beginning to raise their voices. This happened every time we were corresponding on the board until I stepped back and decided that both of us have better things to do in life. I have more or less steered clear of religious and political topics on this board for quite some time so that my blood pressure doesn't spike (which at 24, is not a good thing) and that you can enjoy posting your perspective with one less board member who can't help but turn the whole thing personal to worry about.

Tell you something else. We haven't met but I know people on the board who have met you and they all really enjoyed your company. They might have wanted to stay away from certain hot button topics but those in the know think of you as a good guy. Barring a gathering of board members at an E.C. or Graham Parker concert, you and I will probably never encounter each other but let me say that I would look forward to it if it did happen. Your posts on the music you love and that has shaped your life are among the most thoughtful and perceptive of anyone on this board.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Wed May 05, 2004 11:10 am

Boy With A Problem wrote:El Vez -

At what point in a relationship is it safe to be flatulant in front of your partner?

Hurry.

I apologize for my truancy in replying. Truth be told, it is a measure of how much I like and respect you that I am taking this one because I am not a fan of the scatalogical.

Let's see....

I would say that the ideal circumstance would be for your partner to break wind first. That way you could discern from her reaction if it is safe to enjoy a night out at Los Amigos or if the thawing out process is not quite finished yet. Unfortunately, there isn't a mathematical equation for when it is safe to fart in your lover's presence. I'm sure that Pip, SLC, SelfMadeMug, MBA, Mood Swung and Spooky all have VERY different definitions of when a guy can rip in front of them and still be considered someone they are willing to sleep with. Like most everything else in a relationship, the important thing is to read your partner as effectively as possible and make your own decisions about what's appropriate.

Misha · Post by **Misha** » Wed May 05, 2004 11:39 am

My 0.02 here is that anyone can let it go....provided they do it in another room...

Laughter will ensue.....

Same room? Death.

Silent but deadly? Divorce/Breakup

oily slick · Post by **oily slick** » Wed May 05, 2004 11:41 am

dear el vez,

did you call me shrimp dick? and if so, could you advise on the size of a shrimp unit relative to the balance of its body?

SoLikeCandy · Post by **SoLikeCandy** » Wed May 05, 2004 12:28 pm

I certainly hope he wasn't calling you a shrimp dick, Oily. You didn't yell at me. In fact, your matter-of-fact "nice ass" was flattering.

Gillibeanz · Post by **Gillibeanz** » Wed May 05, 2004 1:07 pm

Dear El VEZ

I cant seem to get guys to date me long term. When I hook one (and this can take years) as soon as we hit the sack they dump me. Could this be because I take out my false teeth first (and put them in a glass next to the bed) , take off my wooden leg, take out my glass eye, put my wig on the stand, and empty my colostomy bag?

Surely guys cannot be this shallow? I have to take all my false bits off for safety reasons (bar the wig but I dont want that to get messed up in torrid sex - the hairdresser costs me a fortune to restyle it!) (oh yeah and the colostomy bag - that for hygiene reasons!) Surely they should love me for who I am? Help me! Is there any hope for me El VEZ?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Wed May 05, 2004 1:11 pm

oily slick wrote:dear el vez,

did you call me shrimp dick? and if so, could you advise on the size of a shrimp unit relative to the balance of its body?

No, stud, I was speaking of the theoretical jackass that objectified SLC.

Dear Gilli,

I'm Gonna Get You Sucka! was a funny movie, wasn't it? Haven't seen much of Keenan or Damon lately.....

so lacklustre · Post by **so lacklustre** » Wed May 05, 2004 4:45 pm

EV - Who was more tragic, Sid Vicious or Kurt Cobain?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Wed May 05, 2004 4:52 pm

so lacklustre wrote:EV - Who was more tragic, Sid Vicious or Kurt Cobain?

With no disrespect to the dead, I don't think there was anything tragic about Sid Vicious or Kurt Cobain. Stupid? Maybe....

To me, a real tragedy is Mort Sahl. This man is one of the most gifted comedic minds in the history of the English language and he's been more or less blackballed from the industry for forty years. Why? Because they can't shut him up and they can't make him ignore his conscience to "play ball" in a profoundly unethical industry.

http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/3217/ (Mort's website...check it out)

I think it's a tragedy that Orson Welles couldn't get a dime in funding for the last twenty years of his life despite the fact that every A-list filmmaker in Hollywood fell over themselves to lip service his great artistic genius. No one helped him with funding, though. At least not significantly. If you ask me, the nicest way to say thank you is to include it in a check.

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Thu May 06, 2004 12:54 am

El Vez -- Does your name bear any relationship to the great East L.A. performer El Vez, aka, "the Mexican Elvis" [Presley]? Now that I live in Whittier, he and I are practically neighbors.....

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Thu May 06, 2004 12:56 am

bobster wrote:El Vez -- Does your name bear any relationship to the great East L.A. performer El Vez, aka, "the Mexican Elvis" [Presley]? Now that I live in Whittier, he and I are practically neighbors.....

My name IS derived from the feted Presley impersonator by way of a fantastic Chuck Prophet song called Apology. It's from an album of his entitled The Hurting Business if anyone is interested in checking it out.

"She don't even know Elvis from El Vez"

When I heard that line I simply had to know who the hell El Vez was. When I found out, I went back and listened to the song again and nearly asphyxiated with laughter. Shortly after discovering this cult icon, I joined the board and the rest is a footnote in chat room history.

Mr. Average · Post by **Mr. Average** » Thu May 06, 2004 8:37 am

El Vez:

Regarding the tragedy of the early deaths of Sid Vicious and Kurt Cobain, you wrote:

"With no disrespect to the dead, I don't think there was anything tragic about Sid Vicious or Kurt Cobain. Stupid? Maybe.... "

After watching Gary Oldmans portrayal of Sid, and discussing the ridiculous suicide of Cobain together with my daughter, she, at the tender age of 12 years, has exactly the same opinion of their deaths: STUPID, positively and fer shure!.

(Cobains constantly voiced his desire to join the "27 club", as if it somehow elevated him to the talent level of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison (ranked here in order of my perception of their overall talent and contribution) by virtue of suicide at the same age. What an idiot. A completely overrated idiot. His one salvation was that he was married to a good woman...pure of heart and spirit...a real philanthropist.

Considering she is a slut bitch adict with marginal acting ability and the golden entre' to the critic's lounge borne of being widowed by an asshole.

One positive note about the singing of Sid Vicious...given an option to listen to a days worth of the caterwalling of the AMHVUE sessions, I would opt to listen to Sid's golden throat all day.

I've heard of chinese torture, but this may be a new way to break the war captives during interrogation. I'll check the Geneva convention code just to make sure that the above torture is not considered a human rights violation. I think it will be a matter of interpretation.

Sorry to be so brutal, but when I was young, I, together with some friends, recorded a cassette tape of covers and one original song that I had written (Yes meets Starcastle meets Gentle Giant meets Bob Dylan). My brother, in a heinous act of brotherly cruelty, duped the tape and circulated it around the 1200 student private parachiol high school. The tape was so bad, but I defended it valiantly and angrily until a dear friend (ended up being my first wife) told me the truth. I was thankful that someone had the courage to tell me the truth.

I think it is important in thei "golly-gee, we want everyone to alwats Feel Good" culture, sometime the brutal truth is hard to deliver and even more difficult to take.

Sorry to editorialize, El Vez, on your turf. But I thought the question had a strange parallel to another thread in the Tin Pan Alley section.

"SeaGraves OUT!"