Why I F***ing hate modern living!!

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Jackson Monk
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Why I F***ing hate modern living!!

Post by Jackson Monk »

:x :x :x :evil: :evil: :evil:

I am a pissed man. This is how my precious Saturday has started:

1. Awaiting payments for invoices for two months work - very overdue and I have been chasing this money for 3 weeks. The client's payments department sent me a letter today. "Yippee!" i thought to myself....we can eat again. but no..they have returned my latest invoice because it had no 'purchase order number'....wankers!!! All they had to do was phone me. But no...they write a fucking letter and return the invoice. Just taking the piss!! The thing is, we've been discussing payment over the phone for weeks and they never mentioned a problem once. GRRRRR.

2. My wonderful new 'state of the art' printer which scans, copies, presses your trousers and makes the tea (but rarely shagging well prints anything!) has thrown a wobbly and keeps telling me to clear the carriage of paper.....THERE IS NO PISSING PAPER IN IT TO REMOVE!!! :x :x
Rang IT support (contradiction in terms) and discovered they only employ useless bastards.

3. The bank wrote to me today to say that they have bounced a significant cheque I wrote last week. This is because i wasn't concentrating and I used the wrong cheque book (dormant account)... :oops: :x On top of the obvious embarrassment this causes, the bank think that a fee of £35 will cover the cost of their gold plated letter :x

4. My knee hurts.

5. The next door neighbours stinky cat 'Gerald' just shit in my front garden.

If it wasn't only 10.50am, I'd open the Jack Daniels.
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selfmademug

Re: Why I F***ing hate modern living!!

Post by selfmademug »

Jackson Monk wrote:
If it wasn't only 10.50am, I'd open the Jack Daniels.
And if I weren't over here I might keep ya company (am having a lovely morning, myself, but friend in need and all that). If you were in Rope's neck of the woods I'd recommend grabbing your rifle and taking pot shots at crap in your back yard (which would include a burnt out old car, ideally).

Failing that, a good trip to the recycling center always helps me. Nothing like whipping glass bottles into dumpsters to soothe the soul.

Hope things improve for you, pronto.

XO
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Who Shot Sam?
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Re: Why I F***ing hate modern living!!

Post by Who Shot Sam? »

Jackson Monk wrote:5. The next door neighbours stinky cat 'Gerald' just shit in my front garden.
LOL. Why on earth would someone name their cat Gerald??
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DrJ
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Post by DrJ »

Why is it, with all the modern technology and men on the moon, etc, do computer printers still take the piss? The one we have at work keeps doing that thing where it spews out page after page with only one or two lines of gibberish on each one. We also have a brand new state of the art label printer, the size of dishwasher, and it's only job is to print little 2.5x4cm labels which it manages to **** up with elan. And all the machines have little idiosyncracies: the label printer, ferinstunce, has to have an extra blank label fed through it before you tear off the strip of labels, otherwise it jams. This was found out through trial and error and now the printer has a big ugly sign on it explaining this: This is a design fault! You wouldn't accept this from a car! "Yeah, the gearstick says reverse, but actully you have to put it in third and pump the clutch to go backwards" Blame Microsoft, lame microsoft.

Sorry, I became all Office Space-y for a minute...

DrJ
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Otis Westinghouse
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Post by Otis Westinghouse »

And it's raining and cold. But Arsenal threw away a lead to draw 1-1. And I've made Defoe my captain in honour of you. Not sure the aching knee is quite a symptom of the modern malaise, but you ave my sympathy all round.

I've got a cheapo £90 HP 3-in-1 printer/scanner/copier, which has been surprisingly good as a copier (witness the ouput of Otis CD Productions!), but the bugger is starting to misfeed paper and get wonky. and there's no Help Desk to contact at home! Scary.

I'm content and happy today, it is Saturday after all, but I did have to drive in town today, which is always confirmation that, as Blur put it, modern life is rubbish. My no. 1 candidate for Room 101, people who drive through nearly or already red lights, much in evidence. Even an ageing, posh-looking arse in a big Tonka truck blatantly going through a fully red light. If only they had red light camera checks the same as they do for all these speed ones. Or better still, a stun device that inflicts pain on the driver and makes their car stop dead on the spot. Or snipers. Modern driving is the perfect illustration of the increasing self-centredness and disregard for others' feelings of modern life, as engendered by Thatcher and worsened by the hyper-consumerist society. And it gets worse every year.
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Post by selfmademug »

Otis, don't come to Boston if that sort of driving gets under your skin... red lights are taken as a sort of "guideline" here, as are all other traffic directions. But BWAP can tell you how Boston driving compares to the UK in general.

And Doof, after I wrote that bit of consolation I had my own bit of ass-pain. As I've had a four-week hiatus from normal, semi-organized life (1st: shingles, 2nd: trip to London; 3rd: trip to NH; 4th single parenting during school vacation week) my apartment is a fucking disaster zone, and I couldn't find my car keys. After looking and looking it got late, and Jack and I were supposed to pick up his pal for a playdate, so I took the last resort-- getting the emergency car key we keep velcro-ed to the underside of the car.

I haven't had to use it in a while, checked near the exhaust pipe (this is kneeling in the muddy snowy and busy street) where I thought it usually was, but no dice. Which meant checking the front of the car, which was bumper-up to the car in front of it, and entirely buried in snow. So I basically had to lie on my back in the street (wearing my white ski jacket, natch) dig the snow out with my bare hands like a little marmot, then feel around under the car. It wasn't on that side so I went over to the sidewalk side and did the same. Nothing. Cursing like mad, I called my ex to ask him where the Fu was the key. He told me it was in the back, near the exhaust pipe.

So I checked again, getting muddier, and voila, there it was, I dunno how I missed it the first time.

Score: street dirt: 5; white jacket: -2; mood: 0.

Luckily I am having a good day and so just got over it. What the hell, it's only a jacket, and it's washable....
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Boy With A Problem
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Post by Boy With A Problem »

Otis - Mug's right - there's sort of a 3 second rule in Boston - consider the light green up to three seconds after it's turned red. The drivers in the UK are the politist I've encountered anywhere - I had a bad experience in Boston about a month ago trying to merge left at the airport - nobody would let me in - here people are always letting you in and out - gotta stay on your toes on the Motorway though - that directional usually means people are going to enter the lane right in front of you - even if you're doing 90 and they're doing 70.

I only left the house briefly today - dry cleansers and Tescos - gonna take the dog for a long walk in a minute.


Jackson - there's no excuse for that company doing you like that. If you're planning on future business with them - you need to make your expectations regarding payment very clear.
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Post by Gillibeanz »

Poor Jackson - I know how you feel - when things go wrong they really do go wrong in bulk dont they? I posted a thread a while back along the same lines when our new year started really badly!

We have 3 printers in our office and one of them is usally not working for some reason or other! We run an internet retail company and last week due to hackers despite god knows how many firewalls and safeguards we have our main computer went down and my poor partner spent a whole 4 days solid ( which included the whole weekend) getting it back up and workable!

As they say shit happens. Hope things improve for you soon and you get paid. If not give me your address and I will post you a red cross parcel to keep you all going, a mallet to smash the fuck out of your printer, and an alsation to eat your neighbours smelly cat and your poxy bank manager! :lol:
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mood swung
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Post by mood swung »

Why on earth would someone name their cat Gerald??

dunno, but I had a dog named Lawrence once.

Gilli, you are a good friend.
Like me, the "g" is silent.
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Otis Westinghouse
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Post by Otis Westinghouse »

Insane story, Mug! Sod's law that it was a white jacket!

When I returned to England after 10 months living and driving in Madrid, I couldn't believe how tame and polite it all was, but what depresses me is that every year the number of cars gets worse and the consideration for all the other cars less, so it's the change that depresses me. When in Madrid, I drove as they did, there's an element of comedy and drama about it all, whereas here it's just 'I'm alright Jack and screw you'. I consider myself quite good at 'change management', but I have to admit worsening British driving standard is an absolute pet hate of mine. Maybe cycling through it all every day makes it all worse, although as a cyclist you feel above them all and just vaguely worried that one of the c**ts is going to finish you off, it's behind the wheel that I feel I'm often the only one who lets people through and isn't visibly obsessed with always getting in front. See, I can't stop now...
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so lacklustre
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Post by so lacklustre »

1. My printer works ha ha
2. I don't drive
3. Football results are unimportant
4. Why would 10.50 am prevent you cracking open the JD?
5. A good workman....... :)
6. It's a rat race!
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crash8_durham
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Post by crash8_durham »

Maybe if the goverment or NASA put as much money into developing printers and such as they do space craft, these things would work better.

I mean think about it.

The USA and NASA discovered that in space, a ball point pen would not work. So they spent over 10 years and billions of dollars to create a ball point pen that would not only write in zero gravity but also underwater and on any surface including glass.

Of course when the Russians went to space they had the same problem.

They desided to use a pencil.
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Re: Why I F***ing hate modern living!!

Post by Goody2Shoes »

selfmademug wrote: Nothing like whipping glass bottles into dumpsters to soothe the soul.
I can vouch for this. The sound of shattering glass is very satisfying. Protective eyewear recommended.
It's a radiation vibe I'm groovin' on
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mood swung
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Post by mood swung »

yes, yes, yes. love the sound of breaking glass.


crunching aluminum cans in one of them wall-mounted scrunchers (aren't I technical?) is a shitload of fun, too.
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Otis Westinghouse
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Post by Otis Westinghouse »

so lacklustre wrote:Football results are unimportant
When you're a Gooner with little prospect of any silver, maybe! Will remember this line for future citation.

Talking of footie, had just had another half hour of my life robbed due to the Carling Cup extra time (poor Stephen Gerrard) and was keen to get dinner on, when my boy phones saying his mate's biked lock key had snapped and their bikes were joined together in town. The friend had a bike nicked two weeks ago, so his parents got a nice new one with a heavy duty Toplock chain lock that cost £15. Chain is unbelievably tough, but the key snapped off as easy as can be, so when this happens you're stuck with an unlocked chain and ion need of specialist gear.
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Post by Copenhagen Fan »

Speaking of bad things...I woke up this morning with my customary piss rod, and was desparat to take a leak. In my rush to pee, I bent my dick down in order to not coat the floor with urin, and got a huge jolt of pain which was followed up by a stream of blood.

I broke my dick I think.
I'd never leave the house if I had a Gimp
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Otis Westinghouse
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Post by Otis Westinghouse »

My God that sounds awful! Hope it's OK!
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Post by invisible Pole »

Cope, I feel sorry for you. Hope you're ok now.

Your story sounds familiar as I tend to have the same morning habit (minus the 'blood' thing). :D

Have we got a doctor on the board ? If yes, can "it" really break ?
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Post by Copenhagen Fan »

All is well....just told my girlfriend who is glad that I'm out of commission! :lol:
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Post by Goody2Shoes »

invisible Pole wrote:
can "it" really break ?
Yes, the supporting ligament can tear, resulting in a fractured penis.

That's food for thought, ain't it?
It's a radiation vibe I'm groovin' on
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crash8_durham
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Post by crash8_durham »

That is the worst thing I have ever heard. YIKES
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DrJ
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Post by DrJ »

You rupture part or all of spongy muscle that fills up with blood to give you an erection...
http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic3415.htm

DrJ
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oily slick
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Post by oily slick »

aw, i don't know. having cope piss all over my ceiling sounds worse. and nobody told me goody was a doctor :shock:
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Post by Goody2Shoes »

She's not, but she plays one on TV. Or maybe she stayed at a Holiday Inn last night.
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oily slick
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Post by oily slick »

you're not that babe from that CSI show who used to be on Providence are you?
I'm not concerned about the very poor.
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