1000+ POSTS ROAST!

This is for all of your writings, songs, pictures or however else you feel like expressing yourself. Have at it!
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A rope leash
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1000+ POSTS ROAST!

Post by A rope leash »

Welcome to the 1000+ Posts Club Inaugural Roast!

I’d like to thank everyone at the Elvis Costello Fan’s site, and especially the Spookys for making this event possible. Never in the history of cyberspace have so few worked so hard to stimulate the pop interests of such an ungrateful few. Good work, You! You’ll never get a dime out of me!

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Can I have a dollar?

Well, I’m here to give out the Special Awards. These awards will go forth every year to those frequent posters who are very “special”. Of course, every one here is “special”, so these awards are the special “Special” ones.

Of course, the number one poster is the cop on the beat, Blue Chair. No matter what the clatter is, he’s right there with a witty retort or mindless axiom to calm the cacophony. How about a big hand for our Royal Mounted Man in Blue?

http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash/CrappyThreads.jpg
THUG!

Then there’s the only other member of the 2000+ club, Mr. Laughing Crow. Jesus Christ. 2000+ posts. King Laughingbird the First. I just got one question...

http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash/queen.jpg
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!!!

Hey, how about this new kid wehitandrun? When I put myself in jail for a while this past year, he stepped in and racked up a tremendous amount of posts in a very short amount of time. It a tremendous feat of typing not seen since the days of (shall I say it?), the striped snake?

(I must now apologize to the entire board, as I really should have been there to slap the shit out of him. But, it’s too late now, he’s a co-opted hero, the only member to be cyber-incarcerated by the board authorities. I guess he called someone a Nazi.)

Note to WHAR:
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Get a life!

I gotta say hi to my buddy Mr. NoiseRadio. Nobody keeps The Dog in line quicker and faster than our own Elvis Costello raider Mr. Noise. I’d say I opened about 95% of those NR1000+ posts with the tepid dread of getting my ass kicked. Idealogical differences are a serious bitch that needs to be sorted out. Here’s the good news, though: I’m convinced it’s all genetic. Tell Margaret Mead I said to shut the fuck up!

http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash/ALT_ANNOT.jpg
Without a valid accounting of the present, history hasn’t a hope of being trusted.

I must now mention in unison our British 1000+ posters, Otis Westinghouse, Bambooneedle, and the newly anointed Mr. John Foyle. I know Bamboo is Australian, but I’m an American, so, if you speak with a funny accent I will lump you in with other, similar people with similar accents, and labeled as such for simplification and future reference. It’s the Law. We do that because we are the Special Kind of Evil that is also Stupid. You have everything to fear. I love you guys. Otis is always a pleasant read, a gentle sort, and Bamboo is such a vibrant thinker. Mr. Foyle has taken it upon himself to inform us of every Elvis mention and movement. How could you not love these guys?

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Take me with you! Please!

Anyway, I want to get shout out to my country cousins, Mood Swung and Spooky Girlfriend. Maybe some day we can head out to the woods and get a tick or something.

http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash/tol.jpg


Just kidding...

It’s now time to give out the Truly Special Award, the first ever. I should get it, but it takes someone truly special to give out the Truly Special Award. Ladies and Gentlemen, the first annual Truly Special Award goes to…Bobster! Yay! From his deep, anecdotal critical reviews, to his clever, spot on political commentary, Mr. Bob has continually delivered quality posts on a regular schedule. Everything he writes is wrapped in the air of a mysterious, in-the-loop authenticity. He makes me long for those smoggy skies, and the youth I wasted there.

http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash/cole_youth.jpg

God loves ya, Bob, even if He doesn't exist.

Now shut up.

I’m just going to stand here now until the thought police figure it out, and come haul me away.

Be sure to visit me at http://www.geocities.com/aropeleash for more madness. New updates include Slobman II and a fresh blog. Chapter Two is now available for anyone making a study of it.
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Post by mood swung »

Beau's looking good.
don't let him eat too much cat food.
Like me, the "g" is silent.
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Post by wehitandrun »

I don't like how I was the only one who was actually roasted.
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verbal gymnastics
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Post by verbal gymnastics »

Am I allowed to post on this thread as I haven't reached 1000 posts yet (although I did in a previous life)?
Who’s this kid with his mumbo jumbo?
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Post by wehitandrun »

Please, Verbal, post.
rope is so unfunny it hurts. :shock:
Wacky comedy written with the vision of a darklit crowd in front of him- giggling at every lame punchline.
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A rope leash
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Shut up, bitch!

Post by A rope leash »

Wha's the matter Wharry? Can't take a little ribbing?

You ain't heavy. Would you like to spar? Frankly, I don't have time, but it wouldn't take much to kick your vapid ass anyway, so come on and bring it.

"Lame" is a sit-com, or television hospital drama. "Really lame" is featuring the acting crew for one of these shows on each and every post made on a rock star's message board.

"Desperate" is coming back to a message board after being banned. "Really desperate" is listing at least four ways of contacting yourself on each and every post made on a rock star's message board, like anyone cares. Wha's the matter? Lonely?

Does the truth hurt, or does it just taste bad? I've found it to be an acquired taste. I've come to savor it. I've been called a paranoid, bigoted, mentally-deranged hypocrite by folks right here on this board, and I've been forced to agree.


WHAR is the only one who really deserved roasting, and for him to whine about it is all the excuse I need to continue on. If you clicked on the links, you would see that I was pretty hard on Blue Chair, LCrow, The Spookys, and NoiseRadio. I didn't expect them to whine about it, but I did expect WHAR to whine, poor thing that he is. I suppose the orginal version of this roast would have put him in tears.

But that's what it is, a roast, a sort of insult comedy that was popular back before people needed a recorded laugh track to tell them what was funny. All humor is difficult, but it takes real talent to be "unfunny". That said, I'd rather be "unfunny" than "not funny", like WHAR. In fact, what is WHAR? Smart? Silly? Exciting? Nope...he's none of those. I can't really think of what I could use to decribe WHAR and his posts...how about "pestilent", or "boring"? It's odd how someone that means little to me can think that his comments contain value. I wonder where he got such an idea?

How would you describe yourself, WHAR? Are you "important"?

Anyway, I hope I've made some new enemies to love...
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Post by wehitandrun »

If you think we're on a "Rock Star's" board, you need to reevaluate a few things- the most important of which being "importance. Yes, I just told you to reevaluate importance (AND I called it important). Your having over 1,000 posts isn't important, your coming to some b-level vocalist's message board isn't important, and your lack of comic sense... believe it or not, isn't important- yet, you somehow thought it to be important to make one post that might highlight all of these things.

Hey, it's like they say on TV! I’m just going to stand here now until the thought police figure it out, and come haul me away. Get it?! :wink:

I've somehow fueled your bad googling and misguided sense of humor by completing the message board's profile- and for that I apologize to every name on the "memberlist" (another feature of your favorite chatting place- you should give that "Log out" one a click). I never meant to tease the over-sensitive traditionalist from the world of bad punch-lines.

Well, to put it another waaaay! Maybe some day we can head out to the woods and get a tick or something. Gosh I'm so wacky! :wink:

You want a roast? Get a real host. Jim Norton, David Cross... hell, even Dane Cook or Nick DiPaolo can pull it off. This "A rope leash" fellow, despite being a joke, couldn't tell one if his life depended on it. Bury your head in a nice bowl of Southern Misery soup, and hang up the ole' stand up tights.

Ohhh Man! Somebody stop me before I go too for! God loves ya, Bob, even if He doesn't exist. :wink: Strap in Kids! I'm really in it now!:wink:

Hey, it's a "roast", don't dish it out if you're going to respond like a defensive little puke when somebody plays the same game.

Okay, you got me. In all seriousness... your ability to recite cyberspace's 'funniest bits' in images is astounding, really, it is.

God loves ya, Bob, even if He doesn't exist. :wink:

Oh man! Wacky humor alert! Strap in!

Pathetic.
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Post by wehitandrun »

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/de ... nce&s=toys

I found something that will drastically simplify your act!
"Hey! I sound like a cartoon!"
The product description says it all.
Now you can be as wacky as you want to be, rope.

Hey, God doesnt exist! Haha! Darn I wish I could write material like you.


*EDIT:
CAN I HAVE A DOLLAR?
:lol: :lol: :lol: Strap in kids! Wacky ole' Rope is at it again.
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A rope leash
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Child!

Post by A rope leash »

WHAR's rating of Elvis' voice proves that he doesn't belong here, and that he doesn't know what Elvis is all about. If he really thinks that Elvis is a "b" grade vocalist, then he must think his fans are complete morons. He must post here to make himself feel "superior".

I'm not suprised that WHAR found me a gift at Amazon, especially a child's gift. He was no doubt Christmas wish-shopping for himself. Santa's coming, hon, don't you worry!

Of course, he has not found any of this to be humorous, because some of it is about him, and there's nothing funny about that!

But, I know it's probably only funny to me. All of the twenty or so posters that have viewed this thread did so because they hate me, and they think I'm stupid. So, I know what it's like to be WHAR.

But hey, somebody has to post something on this board that's at least half-ass creative. Slobovian roommates, new girlfriends, English food, ect., just doesn't excite me, so I have to make my own fun...and if I can get some idiot punk's back hair up, well, that's all the better!

Step into the trap again, dumbass...
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Post by wehitandrun »

But, I know it's probably only funny to me. All of the twenty or so posters that have viewed this thread did so because they hate me, and they think I'm stupid.
Okay, you win.

Have a nice day.
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A rope leash
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Imposter!

Post by A rope leash »

I know who I am.

I win nothing, because there is nothing to be won.

The original post in this thread was not designed to be “hilarious”. It is a cutsie sort of thing that I did for my friends. Although it’s watered down, it makes its point. WHAR winds up getting whammered in proceeding posts because he can’t take it. It’s very cute.

It’s all the more endearing that WHAR overlooks the fact that I elevated him to hero status while also cutting him down a peg. It’s too bad WHAR won’t step back fully into the trap, as I have so much more to offer him in the way of truth and advice, some of which might come in handy for others of his weak-minded generation.

But, even as he has tried to bite the hand of what could be his best friend, WHAR has made a statement that has made me quite suspicious of his reasons for posting here. While I might have small criticisms of Elvis Costello’s production, and while I might put up with myself or someone else who doesn’t like a particular song or album of his, I don’t believe that Elvis is a “B” grade performer in any sense, especially his voice.

My take on WHAR is simple. He is not a true Elvis Costello Fan. His 1000+ posts are inexcusable.

In all the world, there are only three or four-hundred people who are big enough fans of Elvis Costello to bother to register on the internet fans site, and even fewer that actually bother to post. These folks, from all over the world, from many walks of life, have come together here for one reason: Because they think that Elvis Costello is the greatest. These folks, despite some of their errant philosophies, are my friends, whether they like it or not. I’ve spent these 27 or so years tolerating people who just could not understand my fascination. It makes me feel “special” to discover that there are so few of us out there, and I feel blessed that I have gotten to meet many of them virtually through the worldwide web.

When asked about his career, Elvis once said, “I’ve tried to be earnest”. Putting together an unfunny post like the one that opened this thread takes a considerable amount of time and engineering. I’m okay if it fails, just like Elvis has to be okay with “I Wanna Be Loved”.

But that’s it, see? As much as I do this sort of thing for my own pleasures and perhaps for the pleasures of my friends, I also do it for Elvis. We all do it for Elvis, all of us who are real Elvis Costello fans, that is...

While I feel no real animosity toward WHAR, I must admit that his posting here is perplexing. I would suggest to WHAR that he examine his motives for attempting to have a presence here, when his interests actually lie elsewhere. I would also like to remind him about the great big world out there, the real REAL world, where National Guard recruiting is down over thirty percent these past few months. I am certain that after WHAR gives careful consideration to the facts, he will realize that he needs to be with his brethren in Iraq, protecting me from terrorists, instead of sitting on his ass spinning his chintzy wheels in pop-star cyberspace.
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A rope leash
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FZ - Drafted Again

Post by A rope leash »

Registered mail...special delivery
OH NO
You're gonna hafta sign fer this, buddy
OH NO
I know you're in there, ya little sumbitch
OH NO
Goddam little communist...
(weep, weep, weep)

I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
PHOOEY!

I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
NO-OH-WOH-OH-WOH...

Roller skates 'n disco
It's a lot of fun
I'm too young 'n stupid
To operate a gun

LaCelia Jackson! Come on down!
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
Nancy Butterworth! Come on down!
You're the next contestants on
SOOOOO WHAT!
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
And, but, also...
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
A new car!
I DON'T WANNA GET DRAFTED
But that's not all...

My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted

Wars are really ugly
They're dirty and they're cold
I don't want nobody
To shoot me in the fox hole...fox hole

Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole

"Leave my nose alone, please..."
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Post by wehitandrun »

Find something better to do with your time, old man. :?
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A rope leash
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WIMP!

Post by A rope leash »

Is that all you got, punk?
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Post by wehitandrun »

Yeah. I didn't even bother reading your last two posts. Find something better to do with your time, seriously.
What do you have to gain from provoking an 18 year old kid on the internet?* Go get married or enlist in the army or buy a new arm chair. Find something for crying out loud. You're trying to match wits with some kid you'll never meet- what's the point?







* I finally got to play the age card in my favor!
We need an a diamond collar to replace this a rope leash. WRAH- where you at?
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A rope leash
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There is no point!

Post by A rope leash »

You started it. You said Elvis was a "B' grade vocalist. You are not a true Elvis fan. You do not belong here.

Why didn't you read those posts? Too long? Too many hard words?

Here's a game you proabbly know. It's called "one of these things does not belong".

Which one does not belong?

a) NoiseRadio
b) Mr. Average
c) Mood Swung
d) So Lackluster
e) wehitandrun

...and please don't worry about my time. I getting rich fixing shit your brethern have fucked-up.

(the answer is "e", because wehitandrun is not an Elvis Costello fan).

Now, admit!
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Mr. Average
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Post by Mr. Average »

Bait
"The smarter mysteries are hidden in the light" - Jean Giono (1895-1970)
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Re: There is no point!

Post by wehitandrun »

A rope leash wrote:You started it. You said Elvis was a "B' grade vocalist. You are not a true Elvis fan. You do not belong here.

Why didn't you read those posts? Too long? Too many hard words?

Here's a game you proabbly know. It's called "one of these things does not belong".

Which one does not belong?

a) NoiseRadio
b) Mr. Average
c) Mood Swung
d) So Lackluster
e) wehitandrun

...and please don't worry about my time. I getting rich fixing shit your brethern have fucked-up.

(the answer is "e", because wehitandrun is not an Elvis Costello fan).

Now, admit!
Haha, wow.
I let my guard down and you try to bring the argument to another level.
That's fine, have fun with it. :roll:

Just remember who made that logo on the top corner of the screen- then tell me which one doesn't belong.
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A rope leash
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The Lame Gang

Post by A rope leash »

So, WHAR did the Elvis montage? Nice job.

Have you read my other posts WHAR, or are you still posting blind?

Admit that you think Elvis is a “B” grade singer, then sing the entirety of "It’s Time", then come back and tell us what you think about Elvis’ abilities as a vocalist. You should already know all about it, since you claim to be a fan of his.

I must now confess my true direction in this line of fire towards this young man called WHAR. This will be long, so I don’t expect him to read it. In fact, I don’t expect much out of his generation, or the one that precedes it, nor do I have much hope for the next one arriving.

While my barbs are pointed at WHAR, I really mean them to be shared among his fellow slugs. It’s a personal thing for me, this disappointing but conclusive judgment. My life for the past decade has involved trying to get young folks to do a certain job a certain way. It’s a tough, sacrificial job, one that requires the ability to understand a little bit about a lot of different things. Finding a candidate is difficult to begin with, and making a “man” out of one of them is just damned impossible.

There are no real men left, only slugs and toy soldiers. How many times a day to I see a young lady driving in a car that her daddy probably bought for her? How many of those cars contain a slug boyfriend in the passenger seat? I feel sorry for young girls coming up today. I know men as old as thirty who are complete lumps, spending most of their time between video games, television, internet, and their piddly, piss-ass jobs that pay nothing and go nowhere.

Why do their jobs pay nothing? Because they don’t demand. They just sheepishly fall in line. The mere mention of a union is enough to send them cowering into a corner. They are such simple sheep that they will actually let themselves be militarized and desensitized, and eventually drafted into a machine that they essentially supported with their own desires for trendy, ultimately worthless, status-branded consumer products; a machine is at this very moment sucking it’s own economy dry in order to destitute young men, leaving them no choice but soldierdom.

They will not resist. They will go along like they always have; whatever the TV says is fine with them. In their county’s quest for empire, they will be complicit robots, separated from both truth and morality, and all too distant from logic and reality. It’s really gonna suck being them, but they don’t see it coming for all the DVDs and iPods and overpriced, worker- exploitive tennis shoes. For the past twenty years, these guys have been walking advertising kiosks for consumer product corporations, and now they are going to fight and die for corporate hegemony across the world. O sure, there are protests against the war, but it’s not like the 60’s, when unity was the force, when young men had real balls, when hell no, we weren’t gonna go.

That’s just half of it for me though. Much of my time is spent chasing around the country cleaning up messes created by supposedly “trained” personnel, 90% of which are younger than thirty. I don’t trust anyone under thirty. If they are not making some sort of mess in the field, they are landing a management job and making poor decisions that I must react to directly, often times by displaying the misjudgment in graphic terms of real consequence, after the disaster created by the decision has occurred.

So, it’s a personal thing. The beatless, noisy, moaning, my-girlfriend-is-a-whore crap they call music isn’t making it, either. Rock and Roll has to be saved again, like it was in the Nineties, and I’m not sure these guys are up to it. It’s sad.

What can be done about it? Regretfully, nothing. It guess I shouldn’t complain too much, as I am becoming quite secure job-wise by being there to fix the fuck-ups they continue to provide. Soon, many of them will go away to die in a far-flung injustice, and while I truly feel grief for them, I can’t say they didn’t go wantonly.

The Dog must rest now.


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G'night, everybody!
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Re: The Lame Gang

Post by wehitandrun »

You obviously misunderstood my use of the phrase "b-level vocalist", and that's fine. I believe Elvis is the top vocalist in his genre of music, and I believe he has been for over a decade now.

That was a nice sob story, rope. But please, don't take your bitter old man problems out on me. You're not going to change the path (or what you think the path is) of my entire generation through a couple of personal shots on a message board. Get off your ass and write a petition, or go to a town meeting, or do whatever if it is that bitter old men with no purpose do.

Your lack of knowledge about the current state of music is another issue, so I'll let that be. I mean, just because you haven't discovered the greatness of Piebald, Q and not U, Rilo Kiley, Glassjaw, Straylight Run, Peter Toh, The Stereo, Head Automatica, Hot Hot Heat, Chris Carrabba, The Get Up Kids, Brand New, and much more- doesn't mean you have to rally up the troops for another phoney revolution.

You're out of touch, old man, and that isn't my or my generation's fault. You don't have the time or will to find what's great, and sorry- but it won't just come to you. Get off your ass and find the music, because it's there.

In the words of the almighty Travis Shettel - The Rock Revolution won't be televised.

Go save something else- like maybe the comedy scenes out there today. I mean, gawd, they're just not wacky enough anymore! They don't make 'em like they used to!

Minor side note... to call an iPod overpriced is to say that the record player you spent 200$ for was a bargain. The Creative Zen Touch, a better mp3 player than an iPod, costs just that. That's a small price to pay to carry five to ten thousand songs around with me- especially with the 97db signal-to-noise ratio. You're fighting a fight for the sake of fighting a fight. Cool down, sip down some of that commercial cola, and accept that the world is how it is because of what got us here- not because of what's here right now.
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noiseradio
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Post by noiseradio »

lmao
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
--William Shakespeare
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A rope leash
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I know what it is to be 18...

Post by A rope leash »

Well, first off young man, I didn’t say iPods were overpriced. I said child-labor tennis shoes were. I urge you to read carefully before responding.

You never said Elvis was a “B” level vocalist of a “certain genre”, but now you do. What genre would that be? …and now, he’s an “A” level vocalist, if we are talking about that “certain genre”. Bullshit. WHAR may be a fan of some of the bands listed in his latest post, but he’s not an Elvis fan.

I’m not really out to save the world, I gave up on that many years ago. I’m just telling you what your moronic generation is in for. Suggesting that I sign a petition is exactly what I expect from the young lame ones.

The fact is, most of the current protests are planned and executed by people my age. If it weren’t for us, there wouldn’t be any protests against the war, because once you guys are told that something is “cool”, you will cling to it like ivy clings to lattice. Let’s face it, after many years of conditioning via violent movies and video games, this generation has even come to think that war is “cool”. Admit it, there’s nothing the young American male likes better than an explosion, or a head shot. As you allow yourself to be Nazified, don’t forget that karma has a nasty habit of biting individuals in the ass.

Of course, I don’t blame your generation for being what it is. It’s your parent’s fault, and that’s a phrase you should keep with you at all times as you blunder through your life.

Okay, I’ll check out some of the bands WHAR suggested. They must be “too good for radio”? I really hope that’s true, because the moron 5 ain’t making it.

So, as all you young ones out there with your unearned tattoos and sickening piercings go about your daily quest for the cool, don’t forget the bitter old man was once your age. You ain’t shit, and that’s a shame, because you could be if you took off the corporate blinders. I’m not here posting this because I want to save your generation, I’m here posting because I want to stick it in Johnny’s face. I wouldn’t trade places with the richest of you. When the real war comes, you’ll be sad that you didn’t stand up and say “no” a whole lot sooner.

…and don’t tell me not to take it out on youse guys here on the board. This is a board for Elvis Costello fans, and since I qualify, I’ll post pretty much anything I want until the administration stops me. You’re opinion means little to me, because I’ve seen the kind of work you guys do. It’s completely unprofessional, because social status, consumer products, and hip trends mean more to you that you career or craft, and thusly we fall.

Your mama would never tell you that. She loves you. I love you too, but only in a Jesus "love thine enemy" sort of way.
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A rope leash
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Mr. Psycho!

Post by A rope leash »

Image

I was once very young. No one could tell me anything.

Image

I was born quite poor, with parents who were pretty much vacant due to the jobs they had to work to keep me in Cheerios. Nothing was ever handed to me.

Image

God but I was good-looking. I still am. I set out to be a certain way, liberal, childless, working-class political, smart...and it turned out that way for me. It worked because I've never been completely stupid, or totally disrespectful of those who could help me grow.

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Not that everyone thought I was so great, of course, many did not and still do not. The truth is that I am not great, but I do have my high moments. All of those I have aggravated do not see me as an enemy: for the most part they still love me. In any case, living well is the best revenge.



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There is nothing that could be said by anyone that would truly hurt me. All of the hurtful things are already inside me, and, normally, I only let them out for their value as personal humour.

I can dish it, and I can eat it. I always consider the source when it comes to personal attacks. I expect others to do the same.



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You think I'm psycho, don't you mama?
wehitandrun
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Location: Las Vegas, NV
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Post by wehitandrun »

Wow. I'm going to go vomit.

By the way, :idea: I hate Elvis.
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oily slick
Posts: 1864
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 5:07 pm
Location: st louis

Post by oily slick »

nice pics ropey. how improbable is it that your unit's natural hanging position is to the right.
I'm not concerned about the very poor.
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