last pack of cigarettes

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costellopunk
Posts: 124
Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2003 4:35 am
Location: recovering in corpus christi, tx

last pack of cigarettes

Post by costellopunk »

i watch my smoke
dance through the air
while stirring my coffee
absent mindedly
and staring out a window

this is my last pack

i started smoking
when i was fourteen
at a friends house

it was my birthday
and i wanted to celebrate

i remember being little
and watching my dad smoke
camels
and i just wanted to smoke

it's what grownups do

now it's almost ten years later
and
smoking just isn't fun anymore

i'm still in love with the fire
still in love with the smoke
the way it's fluid
and floats in a glass
changes shape
and gets caught in beams of light

but now
i feel
it's become a symbol
of my dependancy

i hate to use the term crutch
but nothing else
really seems to apply

everyone i know smokes
so i have to be careful
not to become one of those
self rightous anti-smoking assholes

shouldn't be too hard
nothing i can't handle

i want to think of this
as a sort of cure

i want to think of this
as an attainable goal

i want to use this
to jump start my
need reduction process

if i reduce my needs
if i reduce the number of things
i'm dependent on
maybe

maybe
i can rise above this pain
this completely useless need

a need i'm starting to think i invented

if i tear this one thing out
maybe i can put something
more important
in its place

of course
i can still be found
in the smoking section
at denny's
on a regular basis
-it takes a long time but god dies too/but not before he sticks it to you-
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Poppet
Posts: 939
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 7:49 am
Location: Boston, MA USA

Post by Poppet »

i've been told (okay, by James Marsters, as he stood on a stage and told everyone in the audience this) that the patch works WONDERS. yes, you are addicted, yes, you are dependent, but you are no longer SMOKING which is what's gonna' really fuck you up. dying of cancer ain't pretty.

you might want to give it a shot. willpower is great, but we are HUMAN and therefore frail. no shame in getting help.
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A rope leash
Posts: 1835
Joined: Fri Jun 13, 2003 6:47 pm
Location: southern misery, USA

Nice one, C-Punk

Post by A rope leash »

I'm just curious...when you were in school, were you ever subject to government programs designed to keep you from tobacco? It seems like we spend a lot of money on trying to get kids to not start smoking, but it doesn't appear to be working. Maybe the government should say it's cool, then maybe the rebelious won't do it

It's an awful addiction, way more powerful than the pull of hemp. I've walked out onto rooftops in deeply frozen weather, and found tobacco addicts there, huddled together against the wind because they can't smoke inside. I've lived with a lot of smokers, and I know that the cigs come first, even before food, even before booze, even before hemp.

I've gotten so many accidental nose hits from other peoples cigarettes that I tend to agree with every no-smoking ordinance that comes along. You say, goddamn, I can't even smoke in a bar anymore? It's moot. No one has ever had the right to pollute the public atmosphere in the first place.

But, we let those companies off with a fine, so it's okay. We wouldn't want to put those evil fucks out of business, would we?

The USA is a very duplictious and hypocritcal entity. That's what putting capital first above all other concerns does to a culture.

All I really need is some ice water and a fly swatter.
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spooky girlfriend
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Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2003 5:19 pm
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
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Post by spooky girlfriend »

Well, it's always a tough act to follow Rope. . . .

I was just going to say that I want you to stop. You have such talent and so much ahead of you, at least I sense that for you. Smoking will only fuck that up.

Joel's dad pretty much always smoked. Then he went to the doctor one day complaining of back pain. A few MRI's and exams later they find he has small cell lung cancer. In less than six months he was dead. He was such a vital man - just 60, but hard-working, carried his own weight in life, helped others, did good deeds without public recognition, plus he was the neatest most organized man I've ever know, not to mention handy enough to repair anything. Damn cancer. That's what I call it now - damn cancer.

You don't need that C-Punk. I don't want to sound like your mom or anything, I just want to know that you're not shortening your existence for something this useless. You're better than that - you deserve better than a life shortened by cigarettes.
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so lacklustre
Posts: 3183
Joined: Tue Jun 03, 2003 2:36 pm
Location: half way to bliss

Post by so lacklustre »

cp - good luck, if you really want to give up you will succeed. I gave up nearly two years ago after more than 20 years and found it tough at first but managed to come through. It helps not having easy access (I made sure there were none at home) to any tobacco. I am immune to other people smoking although I do still crave one after a good meal (always was my favourite), nor have I turned into one of them 'self rightous anti-smoking assholes'.
I now no longer have daily coughing fits, nor do I have to stop for breath at the top of a flight of stairs.
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