Elvis's funniest line or song

Pretty self-explanatory
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Neil.
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Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Neil. »

I woke up this morning, scratched my head and saw a little dandruff.

Which of course made me think of 'This early morning dandruff turns out to be confetti', which I think is one of Elvis's funniest lines.

'Daddy went out with the rubbish and he kept on walking' is also one of my faves - the World and His Wife might be his funniest song.

Any other contenders?
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Top balcony
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Top balcony »

Hi Neil

World and His Wife wins this contest hands down for me, " Went for two weeks' holiday in taramasalata" is the line which creases me up most.

Colin Top Balcony
Neil.
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Neil. »

Agreed, Colin, it's a right knees-up of a song. I don't think he does it any more, live.
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Top balcony
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Top balcony »

Yeah, looking at the Wiki he's known to have played it live 53 times between 21st December 1982 at the Royal Court in Liverpool ( I was there :D ) and 3rd December 1984 - time for a revival as part of a Look Now UK Spring 2019 tour setlist methinks.
Miclewis
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Miclewis »

I always loved, “I wished her luck, with a capital “F””
sulky lad
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by sulky lad »

On leaving my previous job, my li(n)e manager thought that line was a good quote for my departure - I didn't find it that funny. :shock:
"The long arm of the law slides up the outskirts of town, meanwhile in Clubland, they are ready to pull them down " always brings a smile to my face !
rightbrain
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by rightbrain »

It's hard to beat:

I said "I'm so happy, I could die." She said, "Drop dead!" then left with another guy.

Ouch.

But FUNNY!
stricttime81
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by stricttime81 »

Funniest song to me is the live versions of God's Comic when he does all the patter during the song.
AKA: Mike the Lawyer
jmm
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by jmm »

For song I nominate honey are you straight or are you blind

Especially like the line “she could walk round naked and I wouldn’t sneak a look”
I too am a limited, primitive kind of man
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Fishfinger king
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Fishfinger king »

The one that always cracks me up for some reason is "My Mood Swings".
Particularly the one word line "Marshmallow".
It's the way he says it for some reason. Maybe it's just me.
Can't you see I'm trying to change this water to wine
Hawksmoor
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Hawksmoor »

In terms of its delivery (and despite that it's a rather obvious gag), I'm a sucker for 'dancing the hesitation [----------] waltz'.
Neil.
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Neil. »

Hee hee - yeah, some great lines here. Also love

"the longest of drums rolls, the shortest of tricks"

from the 'My Lovely Jezebel'. What a put-down!
rightbrain
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by rightbrain »

Speaking of funny put downs:

"She said that she was working for the ABC News, it was as much of the alphabet as she knew how to use."

Extra fun for the way EC pronounces Alphabet as "AlphRabet."
WindUpWorld
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by WindUpWorld »

Yes the ABC News is always a highlight - what a deliciously cruel, hilarious put down. We can only hope whoever inspired it, deserved it.

Another one that cracks me up every time is the unsavoury character quoted in Fill In The Blanks:

Adjani, Dalle and Fanny Ardant
He says “all those French birds give me a hard-on”
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A rope leash
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by A rope leash »

From Daddy can I Turn This?

Is anybody acting your age?
You got a girl you keep in a cage
You give her presents after a while
A birthday cake containing a file



From Monkey to Man

Every time man struggles and fails
He makes up some kind of fairy tales
After all of the misery that he has caused
He denies he's descended from the dinosaurs



...and the entirety of I Almost had a Weakness

Thank you for the flowers
I threw them on the fire
And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed
God they were ugly children
So you're that little bastard of that brother of mine
Trying to trick a poor old woman
Till I almost had a weakness

Last week Cousin Florence
Bit your Uncle Joe
Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork
Said that he looked like the devil
Then she said, "Pass the vinegar," I'm beginning to think
That I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it
Though I almost had a weakness

It pains me to mention
These delicate concerns
While I have to tolerate you family jewels
I really mustn't grumble
Cause when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down
And you little swines will get nothing
Though I almost had a weakness



Elvis isn't hilarious, but he is very clever.
Neil.
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Neil. »

Ha ha - yeah, the birthday cake containing a file line always makes me laugh.
Mr. Getgood
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by Mr. Getgood »

The second verse of This Is Hell does it for me;

The failed Don Juan in the big bow-tie is very sorry that he spoke
For he's mislaid his punchline more than halfway through a very tasteless joke
The fräulein caught him peeking down her gown
He's yelling in her ear
And all at once the music stopped as he was intimately bellowing "My dear..."


And also;

He said before it had really begun
I prefer the one about my son


from God's Comic.
I love you just as much as I hate your guts.
OnesNamedAlfie
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by OnesNamedAlfie »

Another from This is Hell:

My Favourite Things is playing again and again
But it's by Julie Andrews and not by John Coltrane
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docinwestchester
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by docinwestchester »

I'm in a foxhole, I'm down in the trench
I'd be a hero but I can't stand the stench
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A rope leash
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Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Post by A rope leash »

Elvis lyrics running through my mind since this thread began...


Two Little Hitlers seems to fit the category. It's a masterpiece of clever grins.



Why are we racing to be so old?
I'm up late pacing the floor
I won't be told
You have your reservations
I'm bought and sold

I'll face the music
I'll face the facts
Even when we walk in polka dots and checker slacks

Bowing and squawking
Running after tidbits
Bobbing and squinting
Just like a nitwit

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
Down in the basement

I need my head examined
I need my eyes excited
I'd like to join the party
But I was not invited
You make a member of me
I'll be delighted

I wouldn't cry for lost souls, you might drown
Dirty words for dirty minds
Written in a toilet town

Dial me a Valentine
She's a smooth operator
It's all so calculated
She's got a calculator
She's my soft touch typewriter
And I'm the great dictator

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn

A simple game of self-respect
You flick a switch and the world goes off
Nobody jumps as you expect
I would have thought you would have had enough by now

You call selective dating
For some effective mating
I thought I'd let you down, dear
But you were just deflating

I knew right from the start
We'd end up hating
Pictures of the merchandise
Plastered on the wall
We can look so long as we don't have to talk at all

You say you'll never know him
He's an unnatural man
He doesn't want your pleasure
He wants as no one can
He wants to know the names of
All those he's better than

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
I will return
I will not burn
I will return
I will not burn



I love this song, but what the heck is it about? Politics? Work? Dating?

ha ha ha
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