Elvis's funniest line or song

Pretty self-explanatory
Neil.
Posts: 1199
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:14 am
Location: London

Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Neil. » Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:13 am

I woke up this morning, scratched my head and saw a little dandruff.

Which of course made me think of 'This early morning dandruff turns out to be confetti', which I think is one of Elvis's funniest lines.

'Daddy went out with the rubbish and he kept on walking' is also one of my faves - the World and His Wife might be his funniest song.

Any other contenders?

User avatar
Top balcony
Posts: 575
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:48 pm
Location: Liverpool

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Top balcony » Mon Sep 24, 2018 4:16 am

Hi Neil

World and His Wife wins this contest hands down for me, " Went for two weeks' holiday in taramasalata" is the line which creases me up most.

Colin Top Balcony

Neil.
Posts: 1199
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:14 am
Location: London

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Neil. » Mon Sep 24, 2018 5:31 am

Agreed, Colin, it's a right knees-up of a song. I don't think he does it any more, live.

User avatar
Top balcony
Posts: 575
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:48 pm
Location: Liverpool

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Top balcony » Mon Sep 24, 2018 5:53 am

Yeah, looking at the Wiki he's known to have played it live 53 times between 21st December 1982 at the Royal Court in Liverpool ( I was there :D ) and 3rd December 1984 - time for a revival as part of a Look Now UK Spring 2019 tour setlist methinks.

Miclewis
Posts: 136
Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2006 8:21 am
Location: Connecticut

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Miclewis » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:29 am

I always loved, “I wished her luck, with a capital “F””

sulky lad
Posts: 1611
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 5:21 pm
Location: Out of the kitchen,she's gone with the wind

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby sulky lad » Mon Sep 24, 2018 12:53 pm

On leaving my previous job, my li(n)e manager thought that line was a good quote for my departure - I didn't find it that funny. :shock:
"The long arm of the law slides up the outskirts of town, meanwhile in Clubland, they are ready to pull them down " always brings a smile to my face !

rightbrain
Posts: 37
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:45 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby rightbrain » Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:43 pm

It's hard to beat:

I said "I'm so happy, I could die." She said, "Drop dead!" then left with another guy.

Ouch.

But FUNNY!

stricttime81
Posts: 274
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 12:25 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby stricttime81 » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:10 pm

Funniest song to me is the live versions of God's Comic when he does all the patter during the song.
AKA: Mike the Lawyer

jmm
Posts: 434
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 5:29 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby jmm » Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:50 pm

For song I nominate honey are you straight or are you blind

Especially like the line “she could walk round naked and I wouldn’t sneak a look”
I too am a limited, primitive kind of man

User avatar
Fishfinger king
Posts: 471
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2005 6:41 am
Location: Norfolk

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Fishfinger king » Tue Sep 25, 2018 1:20 am

The one that always cracks me up for some reason is "My Mood Swings".
Particularly the one word line "Marshmallow".
It's the way he says it for some reason. Maybe it's just me.
Is that so surprising nowadays?

Hawksmoor
Posts: 152
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 2:51 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Hawksmoor » Tue Sep 25, 2018 1:48 am

In terms of its delivery (and despite that it's a rather obvious gag), I'm a sucker for 'dancing the hesitation [----------] waltz'.

Neil.
Posts: 1199
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:14 am
Location: London

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Neil. » Tue Sep 25, 2018 6:44 am

Hee hee - yeah, some great lines here. Also love

"the longest of drums rolls, the shortest of tricks"

from the 'My Lovely Jezebel'. What a put-down!

rightbrain
Posts: 37
Joined: Thu Nov 15, 2012 4:45 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby rightbrain » Tue Sep 25, 2018 2:03 pm

Speaking of funny put downs:

"She said that she was working for the ABC News, it was as much of the alphabet as she knew how to use."

Extra fun for the way EC pronounces Alphabet as "AlphRabet."

WindUpWorld
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2014 4:10 pm

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby WindUpWorld » Thu Sep 27, 2018 9:53 am

Yes the ABC News is always a highlight - what a deliciously cruel, hilarious put down. We can only hope whoever inspired it, deserved it.

Another one that cracks me up every time is the unsavoury character quoted in Fill In The Blanks:

Adjani, Dalle and Fanny Ardant
He says “all those French birds give me a hard-on”

User avatar
A rope leash
Posts: 1817
Joined: Fri Jun 13, 2003 6:47 pm
Location: southern misery, USA

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby A rope leash » Thu Sep 27, 2018 6:59 pm

From Daddy can I Turn This?

Is anybody acting your age?
You got a girl you keep in a cage
You give her presents after a while
A birthday cake containing a file



From Monkey to Man

Every time man struggles and fails
He makes up some kind of fairy tales
After all of the misery that he has caused
He denies he's descended from the dinosaurs



...and the entirety of I Almost had a Weakness

Thank you for the flowers
I threw them on the fire
And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed
God they were ugly children
So you're that little bastard of that brother of mine
Trying to trick a poor old woman
Till I almost had a weakness

Last week Cousin Florence
Bit your Uncle Joe
Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork
Said that he looked like the devil
Then she said, "Pass the vinegar," I'm beginning to think
That I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it
Though I almost had a weakness

It pains me to mention
These delicate concerns
While I have to tolerate you family jewels
I really mustn't grumble
Cause when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down
And you little swines will get nothing
Though I almost had a weakness



Elvis isn't hilarious, but he is very clever.

Neil.
Posts: 1199
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:14 am
Location: London

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Neil. » Fri Sep 28, 2018 6:52 am

Ha ha - yeah, the birthday cake containing a file line always makes me laugh.

Mr. Getgood
Posts: 1109
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2015 5:40 am
Location: The backsides of beasts

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby Mr. Getgood » Sun Sep 30, 2018 4:35 am

The second verse of This Is Hell does it for me;

The failed Don Juan in the big bow-tie is very sorry that he spoke
For he's mislaid his punchline more than halfway through a very tasteless joke
The fräulein caught him peeking down her gown
He's yelling in her ear
And all at once the music stopped as he was intimately bellowing "My dear..."


And also;

He said before it had really begun
I prefer the one about my son


from God's Comic.
I love you just as much as I hate your guts.

OnesNamedAlfie
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 7:42 am

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby OnesNamedAlfie » Sun Sep 30, 2018 12:10 pm

Another from This is Hell:

My Favourite Things is playing again and again
But it's by Julie Andrews and not by John Coltrane

User avatar
docinwestchester
Posts: 2181
Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:58 pm
Location: Westchester County, NY

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby docinwestchester » Wed Oct 03, 2018 10:24 pm

I'm in a foxhole, I'm down in the trench
I'd be a hero but I can't stand the stench

User avatar
A rope leash
Posts: 1817
Joined: Fri Jun 13, 2003 6:47 pm
Location: southern misery, USA

Re: Elvis's funniest line or song

Postby A rope leash » Sun Oct 07, 2018 12:20 pm

Elvis lyrics running through my mind since this thread began...


Two Little Hitlers seems to fit the category. It's a masterpiece of clever grins.



Why are we racing to be so old?
I'm up late pacing the floor
I won't be told
You have your reservations
I'm bought and sold

I'll face the music
I'll face the facts
Even when we walk in polka dots and checker slacks

Bowing and squawking
Running after tidbits
Bobbing and squinting
Just like a nitwit

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
Down in the basement

I need my head examined
I need my eyes excited
I'd like to join the party
But I was not invited
You make a member of me
I'll be delighted

I wouldn't cry for lost souls, you might drown
Dirty words for dirty minds
Written in a toilet town

Dial me a Valentine
She's a smooth operator
It's all so calculated
She's got a calculator
She's my soft touch typewriter
And I'm the great dictator

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn

A simple game of self-respect
You flick a switch and the world goes off
Nobody jumps as you expect
I would have thought you would have had enough by now

You call selective dating
For some effective mating
I thought I'd let you down, dear
But you were just deflating

I knew right from the start
We'd end up hating
Pictures of the merchandise
Plastered on the wall
We can look so long as we don't have to talk at all

You say you'll never know him
He's an unnatural man
He doesn't want your pleasure
He wants as no one can
He wants to know the names of
All those he's better than

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
I will return
I will not burn
I will return
I will not burn



I love this song, but what the heck is it about? Politics? Work? Dating?

ha ha ha


Return to “Elvis Costello General Discussion”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Arbogast, Bing [Bot] and 51 guests